miércoles, 19 de diciembre de 2012


Sorry, but I'm just not in the mood
to feel your skin during the night
damn human heater,
 that makes me sweat under the sheets.

 I'm very sorry
 but I just dont care about your morning at work, 
or how tired you are and how much you miss me.

I'm really sorry but I cant stand your kisses, 
neither your hugs.

I am sorry...
 but I want to have a shower alone,
 and spend the time with the girls, 
watching chick flick movies 
while eating sweets and going to the gym
to shape my body and my self esteem,
and going out to dance
until the sun says “hello, I'm back again” 
and wake up in a different place,
behaving nice or behaving wild,
with smudge make-up down my cheeks 
and the bitter taste of alcohol. 

 I want to continue studying and earning money 
and improving myself to be a better human being.

 I'm so sorry...
 because I want to avoid the argues
 that used to spoiled my important days
 and keep my mind away from what I really care,
 that is me.

Picture: borrowed from http://nowandforeverbeautiful.tumblr.com/

jueves, 13 de diciembre de 2012

Querida yo:

PASA DE TODOS. Porque mi queridísima...Nadie te va a querer más que yo. No busques en ellos lo que ya tienes en mi. Yo soy tu mitad, tu otro yo, tu dopple ganger, tu medio limón. Soy todo lo que siempre has querido tener.

Soy simpática y siempre consigo sacarte esa sonrisa que tanto me gusta. Soy la que se interesa por tus hobbies, esos que son extraños y te hacen tan única. soy la que se ha preocupado por conocer tu vida detalle a detalle porque me interesa saber tu pasado, tus amigos, tu familia, tu historia, para poder saber quién eres y de lo que estás hecha. Soy esa que te manda whatsapps para despertarte cuando no está ahí o te trae un ramo de flores a casa para celebrar el día de la cotidianeidad. Soy la que te va a amar de por vida, la que nunca te negará una caricia aún sin pedirla, ni esos mimos que te hacen sentirte todo lo importante que eres. Celebro tus triunfos, te aplaudo en tus logros y te seco las lágrimas cuando tropiezas, o cuando algún necio te parte el corazón porque no sabe ver lo que yo veo en ti. 

Te pido de rodillas que me aceptes como tu legítima esposa para amarte y respetarte todos los días de nuestra vida hasta que la muerte nos separe

porque te quiero y te amo

y nunca seré feliz si no es contigo, amada yo. 

lunes, 24 de septiembre de 2012

A yawn

  Open the windows
and leave your hair
to travel
with the flowing of air
coming and going
to unknown places
and cover
the longest distance
and touch
unshaped bodies
in time cero
a rush
a yawn
of the sleepy Love
waking up.

Picture: borrowed from the website "janedorecovery.com" =)

miércoles, 22 de agosto de 2012

The mirror effect!

Do you know when there is a thought rounding in your head once and again and again and again and finally there is a sort of bulb that turns on almost literaly?! well, the discovery of the "mirror effect" was one of the bulbs that still giving light to my life nowadays. I used to care a lot about people actions and reactions about or against me, specially if I feel mistreated for a lie or any injustice reason. I used to play the role of the victim, used to cry and even beg for the things I didnt have. But suddenly, one day, my mind, as unexpected as always, started working, and I realize that spending a lot of time thinking about the problems that dont have any solution is no more than a waste of time... so I addopted the position of the "mirror effect": if someone doesnt love me, ok, doesnt matter! I wont love you either! If someone decides not to speak with me again because someone said that someone said that someone said that I have said....its oooooooooooooooooooookeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyy, it doesnt matteeeeeerrrrr, I wont speak with you either!!
as unexpected as the electricity of my brain
I discovered
that the "mirror effect" really works. And all the problems finally are solved, and if not, is because I have had enought time to think properly about who is the one who has to beg for.

Sorry for my grammatical mistakes, I consider you as my "ciberfamily", lets put it like that xDD so tonight I dont even try to correct myself. This was just some thoughts I wanted to share.


viernes, 6 de julio de 2012

Secret Point

I found
the paradyse.

Im sorry to tell you
the path is extremely
full of stones
that move
forcing you to climb
or descend
depending on your mood
or your experiences
or lets say
depending on the way
you choose to see them.
-the eyes
unable to see the beauty of the road
are no more than blind.

And there it was
at the middle of nothing
surrounded by...nothing
I discovered
as a child
that have just opened  her eyes
little animals
that I feared first
and then I scrutinized
with the help of a master
that made me enjoy
the ilusions of life.

martes, 12 de junio de 2012


Good morning dear new world!

During this period in which I have been absent I have written some poems that are waiting to be uploaded. But I realize they are quite different from the rest… and I don’t want to upload them without saying all these things that could possibly explain this change:
I’m living a landmark in my live. This is the first moment in my live in which I realize how proud I am of who I am, who I have been and who I am becoming.
I’m doing now the things I had to do many years ago because NOW I feel strong enough to do them and that is extremely important to me in order to cure my “little” disease. I’m discovering a new world, almost literally!! With new people, new hobbies, new opportunities and experiences that I’m going to remember my whole life! Among other things I’m finishing my degree (that’s why I have been so quiet these days xD) and many doors that I always thought were closed are now opening and I’m upset about all the things I’m capable to do.
Of course I continue with my treatment. But I’m sick and tired of the pills and I’m working hard in order to give them up and don’t need them little by little.  Self-harm is not a solution for my anxiety anymore!! Because  I’m not feeling guilty of anything, and I confront my problems and the troublemakers of my life with all the violent and that I used to vent cutting my own flesh. Cowardice isn’t part of my personality, bravery arrived to defeat it. I’m not and I won’t kowtowing to anyone anymore neither! I’m not the same Anne who started writing this blog…
Regarding love…which has always been an important issue of my life, I have decided to stop the search for the right person and stop also wasting tears for people that doesn’t even care about my existence! xD how silly I have been…! I was living before knowing them, so I can continue with my life without them… and with the passing of time I have realize that I am even better without them. You have to throw the rubbish out of your house every day, don’t you? That’s what I’m doing now…throwing the rubbish out of MY sweet modest home, and I love the smell of cleanliness.  My father have always said “I don’t love anyone who doesn’t love me, because they don’t deserve it” and although I have heard him many times saying the same I have never listened to it until now.
No more tears. No more blood. No more past. I like this new world, and I’m ready to go out and eat it and NOONE is going to stop me never again.  The path of my journey doesn’t have a way back,  only walking forward is allowed. 

Kisses and hugs are the only gift that I can gave to the few people that read my blog! Thank you, specially today, for being there!  

Anne Frank

lunes, 23 de abril de 2012

Desde mi tumba

De vuelta en el lodo
rápido me hundo
primero mis pies
luego mis ojos
y toco lo más profundo.

Se me hace difícil

distinguir el como,
cuando, donde
y sobretodo la cara
que me obligó
a permanecer encerrada.

Las lentas horas pasan

y se transforman en largos años,
y aquí sigo
enterrada, raptada
y sobretodo violada.

Y quiero gritar

pedir ayuda una vez más
¿y si nadie me escucha?
¿y si resulta que el mundo
está demasiado ocupado
mirando para otro lado?

A veces veo voces

y oigo luces por fuera
de este oscuro ataúd
que prometen rescatarme
de entre el barro
y la mala hierba
y me invade la culpa
el pensar que al callarme,
y preferir conformarme
con mi linda cajita
estoy colaborando
a que él siga moldeando
nuevos cadáveres andantes. 

jueves, 5 de abril de 2012

Sui Caedere

I did it
I was planning it
long time ago,
and finally did it

I cutted my veins
slowly and carefuly,
multiple times
while crying and begging
for God to stop my life.

Desperation maybe,
things already lived,
and the thought that
even worst things
are going to happen
to me...

Looking for redemption,
I let the blood flow
I stained the sheets
and felt asleep
after taken lot of pills

Neither the blood,
nor the pills,
nor even Death
took my life.

I woke up
next morning,
birds singing
sun shining
wounds hurting
and head aching

the phone rang
and I picked it up.
It was my mom,
- told me she had
a terrible nightmare
and stayed all night
praying for her
only daughter
to be saved

I wont forget
my mom's cries
when she accidentaly
discovered the blood
and the marks.

There are,
there still are,
things to fight for,
new ilusions to find,
new quests to follow
and people that wait
your return home.

We live in a place
sometimes called earth
sometimes called hell
but at least
we know it well.

I dont care who saved me
or where does he or she come from
but thank you
for this second chance.

Picture: Requiem por un suicidio by Carlos Entefí

sábado, 31 de marzo de 2012

Healing time

It is the awkward tic tac
of the snoring clock,
that marks the nights
you've been alone.

It is the patronizing
tic tac of the clock
that forces your life
in a rude mode.

It's the tic tac song
that wakes you up
and curls up your dreams
the same lulaby
that cures broken hearts

Its now not the same clock
or not the same tic tac 
of an awkward clock,
but a healing sound
that always walks forward,
without looking back.

Picture: unknown

miércoles, 14 de marzo de 2012

I wonder

 What would you do
if I tell them,
to all of them,
if I tell them,
all those sacred secrets
you want to remain
far out of the way
of those amateurish frogs?

what would you do then
If I send
If I sell
your reputation
and let it flow
and go and fall
in procastinated tongues?
To hear every-silent-word
now croaned and croaked
in the highest voice
telling the truth about you
your mischievous mind
and your stone heart?

How would you feel then
if you wake up
and you find out
that every-lie-carefully-built
is now gone
and destroyed
into pieces
of rough materials,
shelled by
the best missile?

How it would be
to see you paying
as much as I paid
for all OUR mistakes
as much as you deserve
my sweetest revenge?

Painting: The Triumph of Justice by Hans Von Aachen

miércoles, 7 de marzo de 2012

Twisted Scream

Sick and tired of love
and hate and sex
and love and hate and sex.
And all the things around
and all the things which round
and round and round
around everything which means
nothing meaningful to oneself
when one is lost
and lost looking for a muse
that sleeps and dreams
about the perfect love
that loves sex and hate
when hate and love and sex
and love and sex and hate
become then no opposites
but different ways
to the same dreary place.

Picture: Scream by Vakhtang Kakulia

domingo, 4 de marzo de 2012

An advice for pre-lesbian chicks

I don't know what was
whether her perfume's touch
or her long hair's smell
the spell I was trapped by --

titanical ocean waves
of pleasure disguised
in a new way
that claims
to be secret
to remain
in the most unusual place.

Hidden by the sheets
I woke up
of the sweetest dream
I ever had.
We brushed our hair,
make-up our face
and went out
back to world
as simple friends.

No kisses aloud ,
Neither hugs nor
hanging around
hand on hand.
Satisfy yourself
with invisible glances

But don't think
that she is going
to call you back,
to worry about you,
to care about your life,
your health, your mind.

There is no place
for comprehension my dears;
we are as bad
as they are.

Picture: El columpio-Raymond Monvoisin

miércoles, 29 de febrero de 2012

Reflexiones de una loca (capítulo I)

Esto que mi psiquiatra se empeña en llamar brote psicótico yo prefiero llamarlo inspiración...


jueves, 2 de febrero de 2012

I wish I could

stop the time
and my thoughts,
all those words
surrounding my head.
Sometimes with sense
Sometimes without it.
I wish I could…

Return back
some months before.
There would be words
I would have never said.
Neither hear you say.
All those words
surrounding my head
That stupid echo
that never ends,
Sometimes with sense
Sometimes without it
But always there.
I wish I could…

Go over there and tell you
Although I know
there is nothing more to say
I have told you
each of those words
All those words
surrounding my head
That stupid echo
that never ends
And repeats once
…and again
Sometimes with sense
Sometimes without it
but always there…
And here alone
I wish I could…

Kill this circular time,
that drives me to Madness
to lose control
in Euphoria city
or in Sadness town.
Stop this roller coaster
and get out of it
by myself
and continue walking
step by step
but every path
leads me to the same place
God knows I try
And I really wish I could…

stop the time
and my thoughts…

sábado, 21 de enero de 2012


Don't look at me like that Madame.
I am a bitch
just like you.

I am your husband's
sexual slave
when you are tired
and your kids are asleep.

I also thought
I could never do it.
But I left my heart
that useless organ
gives no money
but headaches.

Don't be so silly Madame.

I closed my eyes
and went ahead.
I did it,
and He paid for it.
I felt pity for him,
He showed none
for me.

But I sucked,
I ride,
I went on,
I received my money
and I went nowhere
to wipe my tears

Don't be hypocritical Madame.

I'm a bitch
just like you
I sell my body
to everyone
you sell it
to just one.  

Picture: Picasso-Weeping Woman