Good morning dear new world!
During this period in which I have been absent I have written some poems that are waiting to be uploaded. But I realize they are quite different from the rest… and I don’t want to upload them without saying all these things that could possibly explain this change:
I’m living a landmark in my live. This is the first moment in my live in which I realize how proud I am of who I am, who I have been and who I am becoming.
I’m doing now the things I had to do many years ago because NOW I feel strong enough to do them and that is extremely important to me in order to cure my “little” disease. I’m discovering a new world, almost literally!! With new people, new hobbies, new opportunities and experiences that I’m going to remember my whole life! Among other things I’m finishing my degree (that’s why I have been so quiet these days xD) and many doors that I always thought were closed are now opening and I’m upset about all the things I’m capable to do.
Of course I continue with my treatment. But I’m sick and tired of the pills and I’m working hard in order to give them up and don’t need them little by little. Self-harm is not a solution for my anxiety anymore!! Because I’m not feeling guilty of anything, and I confront my problems and the troublemakers of my life with all the violent and that I used to vent cutting my own flesh. Cowardice isn’t part of my personality, bravery arrived to defeat it. I’m not and I won’t kowtowing to anyone anymore neither! I’m not the same Anne who started writing this blog…
Regarding love…which has always been an important issue of my life, I have decided to stop the search for the right person and stop also wasting tears for people that doesn’t even care about my existence! xD how silly I have been…! I was living before knowing them, so I can continue with my life without them… and with the passing of time I have realize that I am even better without them. You have to throw the rubbish out of your house every day, don’t you? That’s what I’m doing now…throwing the rubbish out of MY sweet modest home, and I love the smell of cleanliness. My father have always said “I don’t love anyone who doesn’t love me, because they don’t deserve it” and although I have heard him many times saying the same I have never listened to it until now.
No more tears. No more blood. No more past. I like this new world, and I’m ready to go out and eat it and NOONE is going to stop me never again. The path of my journey doesn’t have a way back, only walking forward is allowed.
Kisses and hugs are the only gift that I can gave to the few people that read my blog! Thank you, specially today, for being there!